By Milan Lu
William Congreve wrote "Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn'd" in the play The Mourning Bride. Even though this line refers to the wrath of a women when scorned by her lover it clearly shows how bad a woman’s hate can be.
As a teen we have to see, listen and work together with girls of all sorts and mindsets and at times we might find out selves figuratively pulling at each other’s hair. Why is that? Why do we girls love to hate each other so much and why do we hold grudges so close to our heart that we can never trust another girl ever again. Well some of the main reasons are:
Reflect honestly on why you don’t like a girl. Are you sure you don’t like her just because she seems to be better at something than you or because she has or owns something you really wanted. Maybe she’s doing something perfectly without even trying and you have to put in a whole lot of effort just to have the same outcome? Most of the times the reason we don’t like a girl is in some way related to jealousy and we might not even know it.
Low self esteem
We as girls have a hard time switching off our brains when it comes to competitive thinking. If you go to a party you can’t help thinking of what another girl is wearing, which is so much prettier, or that you’re under dressed, or everyone seems to be paying attention to some other girl more than you. It hurts just a little bit to be ignored I agree but we really don’t need to lower our self esteem levels by comparing ourselves to someone else. A girl’s best accessories are confidence and a genuine heart and smile.
Trust issues or a bad history with a friend
If you’ve been friends with a girl and really trusted her to keep your secrets safe and then found out she’s been talking behind your back and starting all the rumours about you I’m sure you’ll have a whole lot of trust issues with any girl after that. Or maybe you’ve were really close with this one girl in your younger days but she found new friend when the classes got shuffled and changed so much that she refused to be your friend anymore because her new friends don’t like you.
Now these are really extreme scenarios but they do happen sadly. Even if you’re hurt and abandoned and you think nobody understands you you’ll find that sooner or later when all the rumours and talk about you has died down there will be those who never believed in the rumours or those who try to be your friend but the walls you have built are keeping them away.
Have you heard something so shocking about a girl that you can never look at them the same way again? Have you heard something so shocking it completely shattered your image of that person? Such things spread like wild fire and sometimes they’re based on facts but get twisted along the way and turn out to be so blown out of proportions. When you hear things like these you can’t help but judge that girl and in the end you might even hate her.
You don’t want her in your group projects and you really don’t want to talk to her. Rumours can be so damaging to a teens reputation, respect and self esteem that it could lead a person to suicidal thoughts. It’s her fault and she should take the blame but that shouldn’t exactly give the rest of the world the right to punish her either. When you hear a rumour take what seems truthful in as information but don’t ever spread it around and make it sound worse and never refuse to help her in a situation she really needs help.
No one is too unworthy or below you. Never look down on a person based on your own set of rules and parameters. If you think some girls are just plain weird or too much of a simpleton to talk to you then you have some serious problems with judgment that needs to be controlled. It’s not healthy and people will start to judge you in return as well and look down on you. Some may even laugh at your way of thinking and ridicule you.
Upbringing plays a bigger role than expected. I’ve seen teens talk and think exactly like their parents and they can’t really be blamed for that. It’s what they have seen since birth and what they were probably taught as well. Sometimes there are cases when the mothers don’t like each other and similarly the children too don’t like each other. It could be within the family or someone not even related to you directly.
There may be other reasons or a combination of these reasons, that play a part in the little glare wars teens have, but it shouldn’t be just left alone. If you don’t correct yourself now you might end up carrying these habits into your adulthood and thus repeat the same things at your workplace and at your homes.
If you think there isn’t a single girl out there who doesn’t have a grudge or despises another girl it might be true but there are some who have chosen to overlook everything they hear, see and experience and just treat everyone with the most positive of attitudes.
I was fortunate to know a girl in my school and whenever I see her I felt just a little bit guilty for not being as understanding and loving as she was. She never judged a person or took sides and she was also loved and never judged in return by everyone who knew her.
Not everyone can have the same level of tolerance but we can manage to increase our levels little by little over time. All girls have been given a special sense that can read the mood of a person if we focus enough. You can sense if a person is in a good mood, a sad mood or in a very bad mood. Likewise it’s always good to remember that if you can do this pretty much every female around you can too.
They might not be able to accurately pinpoint your exact reason for feeling that way but they can still sense your mood and they’ll react to it as such. A few ways to get along better with girls are based on the most simple of things.
Smile and be positive
Seeing you smile can make people feel more comfortable around you and your positive attitude would make you look more approachable. Like I said before, a girl’s best accessories are confidence and a genuine heart and smile. Being positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time and bubbly and care free. Be positive in the way you think about yourself and others. Don’t be quick to judge a person on what you hear or their first impressions you have. Don’t rely on past mistakes they have made because chances are they have already learnt from their mistakes and changed.
Never look too longingly at another girl’s belongings
No matter how minor or extravagant it is it’s pointless to look longingly and project a greedy image of yourself to others. If you like it then admire it but don’t get jealous and want to have something like it or something even better that it. Never take something without asking first either since that could spark a disastrous wild fire rumour that you’re a thief.
Give complements and be polite
If you see someone having or wearing something you like then genuinely complement that person. Don’t do it half heartedly either or sarcastically since she’ll be sure to pick up on that. Chances are she’ll complement you back since you both may have similar preferences.
Being polite and using manners is something every girl should have and practice daily no matter how small the action is. It would be appreciated by the other girl and would make her want to be polite and well mannered around you as well. Politeness and manners is slowly draining away from our younger generations culture since we may view it to be too old fashioned or just pointless since no one else ever is. This isn’t a very good thing in any way since majority of society still does believe in having those two and especially in a girl. There’s nothing pretty in using profanity or treating people as worthless and it would only make people think worse of you and ignore you.
Get rid of hate from your list of emotions
Hate is a very strong emotion that shouldn’t be just left uncontrolled during our teen years. Yes it’s fine to get angry and yes its fine to not like something or someone but to hate someone means that you would never even think of giving that person another chance.
The amount of hate you carry around shows and people can sense that you are not capable of loving anything or anyone. If you don’t learn to control your hate you would end up being very bitter later on in your life and that’s never a good thing. As teens we go through a lot of emotional changes and at times we might have our emotions heightened but we should still learn to control our emotions to some extent or we could find ourselves spinning out of control.
Dramas and cat fights are always preventable if one person was strong enough to stop themselves and the situation from spiralling out of control. Being a teen should be fun and it shouldn’t have all this worry over what other girls think and why other girls don’t like us.